Caught You
by GodShot
Summary: There was a letter on the table the night he left. A letter conveying everything he wanted to say... But didn't have the chance to, until it was too late.


Caught You

_"Time has a way of healing… so they say… So why am I still left here?"_

_Is he a better lover than I? …_

* * *

_**"Caught you in the arms of another..."**_

Somehow, this line makes my heart throb more than it should.

Ever since I gave my whole heart to the one I desired the most and got my pathetic heart broken in return, I felt this way. I know, I'm not supposed to feel sorry for myself – the whole self-pitying thing, it doesn't suit me. Ask all of those people who know me (or rather, PRETEND to _know_ me). They'd even bash your teeth in just to prove you wrong.

I'm not like this... Right? – Well, I thought I'm NOT like this.

I thought that I can overcome just about anything that comes my way by putting on a fake smile in front of everyone, and act like this wretched cheery fellow who cannot be put down even for a damned second...

I THOUGHT I was like this. Because that's how people SEE me and WANTED to see me. This is how they wanted me to be in front of them. How they are LABELING me. And I was FOOLED by them … and by my own self. A smoke and mirrors effect.

But YOU.

You are the only one who didn't see me for who I pretended to be, and did not let how others perceived my existence, influence your judgment. You believed in me and were not fooled by the ill projection I had shown you and the rest of the world. You saw right through the mask I had worn all my life, and made me feel something I have never felt before. You treated me exactly how you saw me, showing it to me with no hesitations; the one who opened my eyes to WHO I really am. You saw something in me that I didn't even know was there until you came...

You made me feel unique and tried to make me understand of how I was fooling others; especially MYSELF. You pointed out each and every flaw that I have, which made me both angry and confused at the same time. To the only person who only wanted to help me and to whom I wanted to give my everything to… YOU.

I hated you for reading me like a book. Many others have tried to dictate and somewhat label me of who I am; WHO I MUST BE. But in truth, I was the one who KNEW them. They THEMSELVES didn't even know who they truly were even in the deepest realms of their complex minds. They keep on butting into other people's lives just because they, too, are searching for their own selves. They go on life like they can redefine it, regardless of what they broke or may break along the way. Determined on living with what they believe they are. Labeling themselves as something they aren't even sure of. Funny how humans can be both stubborn and fools, both at the same time...

I LOVED YOU. No.

…

_I LOVE YOU._

I DO.

AND STILL DO.

_ETERNALLY_.

You are the greatest thing that had ever happened in my life, why did I have to push you away? Now, catching you in the arms of another, with nothing to do but watch until my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces... Nothing, but wait until the wind scatters them and let the rays of the warm sun dry my hopeless tears into oblivion… until I can't cry no more.

I desired you.

I wanted you for myself.

I know I haven't got the right to CLAIM you - to _POSSESS_ you - but still, I wanted to.

_I CRAVED IT._

I'm guilty as charged.

Was it so wrong to love you, MORE than myself?

More than I SHOULD?

Was I wrong to push the one I loved the most to prevent that very person from being hurt? As I'm afraid I would do?

_I'm Sorry._

I'm tired of saying that.

But every time I utter those two hateful words, I mean them.

…Especially, when I am saying those words to YOU.

You are everything I have.

I'm sorry for everything.

Please forgive me.

_(I love you.)_

**Gin**

* * *

Rangiku held the letter close to her chest, sobbing lightly as the memories of him flooded through her mind. She wondered where and when everything started to go wrong. Why she, herself, didn't realize that he, too, was suffering.

He was suffering just like her. The only difference was, it was _all __for her__._

At a loss for words, she cried silently; mourning as if she had just lost a dear, old friend - which she probably already had. And there's nothing she knew of that could possibly bring him back.

* * *

_A/N_: An attempt to show Gin's feelings through a letter the night he left.

I tried my best to write as him so tell me if I did alright. :"D And yes, Rangiku **_is_** with someone here. Poor Gin. I just love their heart breaking story...

Reviews and everything will be nice. :) Tell me if the plot's a bit vague or something, or if I generally suck at this. Loves to all of you~

Tag lines/opening line/story inspired by Evidence sung by Urbandub. Yes._ And another note: FF messed this up so much. The 'iloveyou' in the end was supposed to be scratched out. See this, if you want to read it as intended - (.__archiveofourown.__org/works/476410_) Bye~


End file.
